Shhhhhh. Quietness. That is the sound I long for. And yet I still can't find it. Running from the pain and hiding from the truth. Uses what ever I need to get by. Hiding the pain that shows in my eyes. Trying to stay one step ahead and yet I come to find out that I'm 5 steps behind. Music has always been there. And yet when they come by it not there. They fill my head with hate. Not for other but for myself. There a few that seem to like me for who I am. But they like myself seem to run and hide. When it starts its like a tornado. Spinning around and around and around. Where do I stop nobody knows. Yelling and pounding wish for a off button like the Tv. Little games that they like play. Yelling for me to come yet they use others voices. Stopping only when they get there fill. And the music is back. Mmmmmm how long before they show up again? How long can i walk and listen to that music? Not long I know but still if I walk on the side of good and be like the Jedi's they seem to want to hind. That is good intill i get upset. Then that ride starts all over again. The insults no music no lullaby that I've always heard. Step one step two step four step five.??? what happen to step three? That's what is like when they come to stay. Talking talking talking talking. I what to yell. But not right now. For i hear the music and the nice ate here. O the nice what pleasant time. They line the music and they come out of hiding and what to dance. The only problem with the nice is the fact that they seem to take up my space. I don't know how, but the space is not there. My feet that up space my body takes up space my hand and arms to up space my heart and soul take up space and head takes up space but yet when I try to feel the space its not there when the nice or even the bad are over to play. Little tea parties for one. Table for many. Would you like to see a menu. But its only me. Why would i need a table so big. Lock in a room i have no key for is the place that i fear yet I want to go there. So that i know. I can't hate but I can not like. Hate is a thing that eats and eats in till nothing is left. So wrong. Love can be the same you know. Love what is given to you for you never know if it is a gift or a curse. But that a different story. Typing typing writing writing that seem to make everyone happy. I don't know why. But it does. Can't sleep but writing now I am ready for bed. Sleeping everyone shuts up. But then I have to hind and fear then to. But I've already told that story.But I was told to find the thing. But If i find that thing wont the bad know it to. Wife wanted to go. But then she found the truth. Now I feel that she is stuck. Happy when I know she is happy. No matter want. Hungry but she always find food here with me. I know the hungry. I eat and danced before. But seemed to not work for my. Found food to solve that need. But when the bad comes to say hi I get scared. Not knowing what will come out. Hate to my freinds. Even when they know it's the bad come to say hi. But yet I know one day what i say is not me. Stay away from the bad. Play with the good. But sometimes it's a masquerade and they all look the some. which is good which is bad. Fire fire fire get the water. Nope. What why i never know. But the nice come by with the fire truck. Now its a storm. Lighting thunder wind rain. Under a tree naked and cold. Ha ha ha ha. O I dis like the bad. But Here the music coming down the rood. The bad stop laughing and look around. And slam the gates are open and their off. In comes the good like superman. clothing in hand. One sec. done the music is there. look down and feel the space. Hte good say by. And the record starts to spin. "the Jayz song starts to play". Now I walk with that smile on my face and a bounce in my step. In till next time. The record still spins. The needle still works. And the music is loud. This is good. This make her what to stay. Funny. Now she knows it to. walking on tiptoes. No noise she doesn't what to spook the deer in the tall tall grass. Smile kiss love. a sigh of relief. Good to know that I am still the only one. Run and get lunch. But Make sure I have dinner with you. Warning hot when visiting. She knows. She looks for the signs. And asks for directions. She know the road now. But now its bed time eye lids heave got to get sleep. good night
this is not anything to freak out about. My wife read lost and thought that i was going to do something dumb. If you think that about me then I am sorry. That's not what any of this means. this is what goes on in side my head. good night. And Thank you for listening to a man and his thoughts.