maddogmikk's Journal

Index -> Journal-> sadness

Journal Entry

Add Entry   

Posted by maddogmikk on Jan 25th, 2011 2:49 AM
Everywhere on this site is things to do with history of family. It brings a heavy sadness to my heart to know that I can't be honest when it comes to family history. This is because I'm adopted. With the only thing i have to look up anything with is the last name i know. I've spent years trying to find out more hoping that i could find my mother but never finding her or anything out. The reason that i like Celtic backgrounds is that i can see my self in them. And there is also a lot of family-ness in it. I've always hoped to be in it for the reasons above. But like i said it brings tears to my eyes know that i may never know. I always sat in school when they did the blood line and knew that i was not going to be able to do it. For awhile i use my adopted name but it never filled that hole that was in my heart. I'm 25 years old and i still have nights were i can't sleep because it hurts to much. I have children that can use their mothers background so that is one thing that make it a little better. But it still hurts. I wish that i could know i wish that i could find my mother but at last i think that it is a lost quest for no matter how hard i try i always come back hurt even more. My wife tries to help and just to make her fell like she did something i put on a smile. But the truth is that it never gets better. No matter how hard i try to find that silver lining i can't. I'm lost in a time were family lines mean something. There is a proud-ness knowing that your great great great grandfather fought to save this world or that your great great great aunt helped this person out and that person became famous. All i truly have is what i do now and with what little i can do, that is not much. I want my line to look back and see that because of me they are standing were they are. I just hope that one day this can happen. That is why my wife and i are going to make a crest. Ares. Started here and now. i hope that it will still be there when i'm long gone and walking in that wonderful place. That is all i can do right now and at lest it is something right. thank you again for listening to a man and his problems.

Please post your comments below.

Add Entry   

Posted by Aaediwen on Feb 19th, 2011 7:58 PM
History will tell how you are remembered. May your new crest shine long and proud for many many years to come!


Number of times Journal has been viewed:

Homepage Journal is a service of!